my own style

Hello, world. It’s been too long.

I sometimes tell people that I don’t post often because I don’t have a lot to say. The honest truth (as opposed to the dishonest truth?) is that I have more to say than I admit, but for varying reasons — homework, commitments, general laziness — I don’t take the time to share my thoughts.

My most recent reason has been getting back into my own voice. I follow a ridiculous number of blogs, and increasingly the authors write in a style that is…well, the word saucy comes to mind, though it’s not quite the word I’m going for. The word I want means “wit doused in sarcasm and laced with hyperbole, with a fair amount of self-deprecating humor.” Any word suggestions?

So anyway, every time I started writing a post, I realized that these other voices were taking over my own. My writing was too flippant, too sassy. Too influenced by other bloggers who, successful though they are, are not me. So I’ve been waiting until I’ve regained a little of my own style. Finding one’s style isn’t always easy. I’ve been trying to find my style as I’ve begun counseling clients. I admire other counselors who are extremely animated and extroverted, but I know that’s not who I am. So it’s a matter of finding my style, and also liking my style, even if it doesn’t seem as crazy awesome as others’ styles.

Something I’ve realized lately, though, it that our styles and voices aren’t static. Lately I’ve been writing a close friend from high school. We send super long emails back and forth, and our messages are just like the conversations we used to have back in the day. Somewhere along the way, I’ve realized that I don’t converse with anyone in that way anymore. I’ve developed a new voice, a new style of communicating with people, and I didn’t even know it was happening until this friend re-entered my life. It’s like getting my drawl back when I spend enough time in the South.

I just think it’s so interesting how dynamic human beings are. Our stories and circumstances change, often without our consent. We also have the ability to change our stories (which is partly why I’m in social work). At the same time, our storytelling can also change. I don’t necessarily like the style of communicating I’ve developed in recent years: a little too self-conscious, a little too serious. So glad for old friends who remind me of myself, even in the midst of very serious, sometimes heart-breaking work.

And I think a blog design change is in order, to match the growth I’ve been experiencing in my own life, including (re)discovering my voice. Ciao!